Am I a cunt?

Hello, my fellow reader(s?), please allow me to get something off my chest for a moment. I’m fed up with the people I care for the most taking me for a constant, never-ending ride. Before you turn away and think you’ve heard this all before, stick with me for a moment longer - you might even be able to answer some of my questions.

I’m wondering, perhaps it’s just a part of human nature or is it just those I choose to associate with? Maybe our God, Mother Nature or whatever non-celestial body we entreat to, has a twisted sense of humour… So macabre that it has followed me everywhere I go ever since I came out of my mother’s womb. Or, could it be that I am unlucky enough to be cursed with the “dodgy DNA”: the type that clings to only those who constantly feel the need to break me down. Maybe that’s what my “friends” are attracted to: The appeal of emotionally tearing me into tiny little pieces until I am completely at their mercy. I wish I could sit here and say I didn’t care… but I do. I care very much and it hurts.

As the cliché goes, “why is it that the people who make you the happiest can also make you the saddest”? Truth is, I’ve been asking myself this question for months. And I’m glad to announce to you all, that I think I’ve finally cracked it! There’s a big fat tattoo across the entire width of my forehead that simply reads: “MUG”. I caught a glimpse of it in the bathroom mirror just now when I went for a piss! It’s acts as a magnet that attracts all the wrong people. They see me as nothing but shit on a shoe. A giant, figurative piece of dog-do that exists purely to bump up their number of “friends”, with scant regard for me (it’s all “me, me me” today, isn’t it?)

Well, I’m tired of associating myself with phoney people, I would really appreciate it if I could find REAL people who can appreciate me as a FRIEND. I need to break away from all of this. Will someone please hit my fucking F5 key real soon? I am in desperate need of one giant kick up the backside that’ll force me to move into first gear and get out of this rut I’ve been stuck in for months. My question is, how do you find that? How do you force yourself to leave everything behind (even it it’s in tatters, it’s still immensely difficult to let go, you know) and jump ship? I’d love to do that. Then when that’s all done and dusted, I’ll need some “true” friends who I can fall back on and trust. If you know of any, please tell them about a party I’m hosting on the 19th of October 2007 at my apartment:

Flat 58,
Chump Towers
Dupable Lane,
N4 IVE
United Kingdom

I look forward to seeing some of you there. Thanks and good night.